She loved keeping a journal as a child, even fashioning herself as a writer for a dress-up day at her elementary school. Sitting with an accomplished literary figure, though, Felicien laid out her anxieties about taking on the role in real life. Was she within her rights to offer uncompromising details about the lives of siblings she cherished, a mother who was her north star and a father who sometimes wreaked terror over their entire unit?
The following summer, she carried best-in-class aspirations and expectations to the Athens Games, only to graze the first hurdle in the final and crash out of the race. Four years on, a training injury caused by a misplaced hurdle meant there would be no redemption at the Olympics in China. Lucia, through a difficult transition to Canadian life, to cheering on her world-beater daughter. While Felicien is happy with the final result, exploring everything her family went through to arrive at this place was an exhaustive process for multiple reasons.
B y the time Felicien spoke to Hill at U of T, she knew any book about her life and family had to come directly from her. Many former athletes leave the actual sentence construction to an established pro, but the only person she would have trusted to ghostwrite it — beloved Toronto Star sportswriter Randy Starkman — had unexpectedly passed earlier that year. I only trusted me with it. A couple years passed before Felicien was truly ready to dive into the project.
Felicien devoured memoirs and personal essays, and plunged into conversations about the craft with teachers and fellow students.
Writing the smaller pieces that would ultimately form the basis of the book, Felicien dredged up memories that were still dripping with muck. Of course, given the fact that the book starts with her mother as a child, Felicien had to start asking the questions that would give concrete form to family stories that had swirled around her youth. When Catherine was pregnant, she was working as a live-in housekeeper for an older, white couple in Oshawa.
The night abdominal pain alerted Catherine to the fact it was time to get to the hospital, she lurched up two flights of stairs to tell her employers she had to go. Re-living these moments with her mom often left the writer feeling the same way any reader surely would.
The answer was that her children gave Catherine purpose, and she wanted to make sure they had every chance to live a life full of opportunities she never had. Felicien obviously made the most of that opportunity, becoming the best in the world in her particular discipline. It was also a chance for Felicien to tell the kind of story the white, privileged world is finally starting to lend an ear to. I can re-create my life; I can do something different in my life.
F elicien knew penning this book meant examining her own parentage. That man had no physical presence in her life. Felicien also understands the relationship she has with her mother — the two were never apart from the time she was born — is less complicated than that of her siblings, who were born in St.
What Felicien never expected to be grappling with was a struggle become a parent herself. Bruce is abusive, and his terrible behaviour turns violent. He hits Cathy. Mother and daughters bolt to a one-room place. We get a glimpse of brittle domestic happiness. If there was ever a doubt, Perdita shows she's a born competitor.
A bit of wetness swelled at the corner of one eye. I scrunched up all the muscles in my face and held my head down to let gravity help me out. I was afraid the droplet would evaporate before Mom had the chance to rule. Soon their hoots filled our room. She declared me the winner and gave me my five dollars.
They move back in with Bruce, who Perdita begins to call 'Dad,' but nothing is mended. Perdita has a sharp eye for detail as tension mounts in the house. It erupts into worse violence in , and the three go to a women's crisis shelter.
Young Perdita likes the atmosphere there. She is donating a portion of each book sale to that refuge. The shelter is a short-term fix. There is no other choice for them but to move back in with Bruce.
For Vonette, who lived longer in Saint Lucia, Grade 9 is a time of isolated confusion. She is one of the few Black kids in school, and a target for racist ugliness. Cathy is offered a subsidized town home.
She tells Bruce that she and the girls are moving out. In pure spite, he cuts off her sponsorship for citizenship. There was one final squabble when Mom told Dad she was taking the coffee table and some chairs they had bought together with their wedding money, but she would leave their other shared items for him.
Dad told her she was not taking one goddamned thing out of his house, and Mom replied that God was going to strike him down for his selfishness. On moving day, Dad left the house early.
There were no goodbyes from him. As friends' of Aunt Joyce drove west, I looked out the open window at all the things zipping past. I knew with each one I was moving further and further away from Dad. Next to me, Vonette had a big smile on her face.
Lucas and Wonder, Perdita's brother and sister, also come to Canada. Twelve years after she first left Saint Lucia, determined to make more for her family, life at last begins to blossom for Cathy:. She bought a record player that she used to play her lone Kenny Rogers album. As schools did back in the day, Perdita takes the "Canada Fitness" test. She scores "Excellence," and is applauded for it, which is a new experience for her.
A teacher tells her to try track and field. Perdita is surprised to discover that she is blazingly fast. Cathy comes to see her daughter race for the first time. Did you hear me cheering for you? I'm certain my response that day gave my mother the wrong impression: the louder she cheered, the faster I went. I would later regret this.
As Perdita matures, the costs of competing become a genuine worry. Getting her first pair of track spikes represents a huge investment.
The money for shoes means bills will go unpaid, and she knows it. Cathy finds a way to enrol in adult education. In eighth grade, Perdita comes second in a regional race. She has never lost a race until this day, and the blow is crushing. Details nail it: Big tear drops splash on concrete bleachers. She quits track altogether rather than risk the horrible feeling of not winning again. Cathy nags for two years, and Perdita finally rejoins track in the 10th grade. Her maturation continues through her first private track club practice.
I was all set in my running shoes, T-shirt, and shorts. I had mostly worn skirts to my school meets, but now I was blowing off my church's rule about women and girls wearing dresses at all times, and I didn't feel guilty about it. There is tension between church and track. Her pastor says track shorts are immodest. Cathy's assessment is that Perdita has God-given talent, which is not a thing to waste. It's a lovely argument, and it wins the day. Perdita hates them, but she listens to a coach who insists that hurdles are her thing.
She also listens to Sean, the boyfriend who is a quiet background hero, urging her to take scholarship offers seriously. When Perdita gets to university in Illinois, her athletic gains are thrilling. She clocks the fastest m hurdles ever run by an NCAA freshman. She gets a shot at making the Canadian team for the Sydney Olympics. She's exhausted after her first term at Illinois and her heart's not in it, but the woman is a competitor.
In my head I could hear the crisp staccato rhythm of my steps in between each of the hurdles. I could feel that I was out in front of the other finalists and on my own. I screamed at myself inside my head to keep attacking every barrier. To not relax my pace until I reached the end. I soared smooth across the finish line and survived what had felt like a minefield—every one of those ten hurdles a trap that could have sent me crashing down.
I had cleared them all, and became the reigning Canadian metres hurdles champion. I raised both my arms in the air. Thank you, God. But more than jubilation, I felt a deep sense of relief. I had gotten the job done despite my mental game not being at full power. I had made it to the Olympics. Lonely and unable to make money under NCAA rules, she has a hungry, isolated time at school.
But a winning mindset kicks in and she becomes what her early potential had hinted at. She takes the World Championship in Paris, I clapped my hands over my mouth in disbelief at what I knew I had just done. Instantly my quiet bubble burst and I heard the instrumental music blasting in the Stade.
And there on the jumbotron overhead was my name in giant bright letters. I was the world champion. I had beaten them all. That day, I set a Canadian record of She turns pro and continues her education. The money is great, but it's not really a point of pride for Perdita.
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